Sunday, November 22, 2009
It began with your smooth brown face
Coming close to mine -
Then your full lips peeling back from big white teeth.
A breath and then a surprise of a question -
Why don’t we start over?
To my many ‘nevers’ and ‘cant’s’ you persisted -
Why say we can’t when we can?
You swept your arm over my head,
A wizard, erasing blots from what came before-
Then you reached out to take my hand
Speaking in dazzling nonsense -
Walk with me, you said.
Our feet will blaze a path bursting with light.
Such lies! I cried.
Not again the stories of the new prince, the next dance,
Tomorrows that don’t collapse into yesterdays,
Grand cabarets that rise up
From whirling dream dervishes in dark bars.
Don’t you know that when you squeeze a sunrise
It just brings shadows?
Please leave me alone!
Still, you did not relent and spoke to my aches.
You tilted your head to the left and whispered to me again -
Just before a flower blooms, a tightness comes.
Fibers built to resist, relent.
Then comes the snap and an opening -
A wet naked moment,
The first touch of what will be.
Your big, white-palmed hands floated near my face
I sat still.
I had no quick joke to push you back,
No restatements of the ‘woulds’ nor the ‘coulds’.
I saw that you would have your way with me
And I would offer you my grateful permission.
November 22, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I want reassurance, peace, unity,
Room to grow without relinquishing the honey sweet -
I want a mind that expands forever
And freedom from the delay of nuance.
I want the noises in my head to cease,
And for you to stop asking me to help you.
I want someone who will take care of me
And I want to believe that someone truly could.
I want to stop lying to myself
And a sudden end to all self betrayals -
I want happiness to fall from my mouth, mind, and deeds,
And the freedom to die when and how I choose.
I want you to be happy so I can stop worrying.
I want to be alone except when I don’t.
I want you with me whenever I cry
But I want you to know when it’s time to leave.
I want to change the subject at will
And to take on what I can at a survivable pace.
Imagine moving forward without knocking things over.
Or to someday face loss with something like courage
You and I drift now with aimless kisses -
And make too much of these many small things.
Can you put in an order for safe explosion,
And find out how long the next step will take?
I can wait.